Crack Found on Governor's Daughter ~Imagine that!
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says ~No, really?
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers ~Now that's taking things a bit far!
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? ~Whaaat??
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over ~What a guy!
Miners Refuse to Work after Death ~No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-sos!
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant ~See if that works any better than a fair trial!
War Dims Hope for Peace ~I can see where it might have that effect!
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile ~You think?!
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures ~Who would have thought!
Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide ~They may be on to something!
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges ~You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge ~He probably IS the battery charge
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group ~Weren't they fat enough?!
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft ~That's what he gets for eating those beans!
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks ~Do they taste like chicken?
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half ~Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors ~Boy, are they tall!
And the winner is....
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead ~Did I read that headline right?
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